Revision Plan Assignment – Chosen Discourse Project
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When talking with my peers I discussed the ideas of my artifacts with them. My peer reviewers brought it to my attention that my quotes were strong, but the introduction of the quotes wasn’t the best they could be. I was given the advice to try and integrate my idea more before stating the quote. They did agree that the data I used helped benefit my agreement with relation to Gee and his terms on secondary discourse. I am thinking about doing a little bit more research on the topic to maybe find a few more details that can better my paper. Like Carolina helped pointed out, another quote for explaining the ideas of transferring will better support my thought. I do think that organizing my quotes better, and even improving some data is something that I need to work on.
As the Habits of the creative minds stated, I do need to do some rethinking of my quotes. Yes, so of them are good, but I think I can find so better ones. It was pointed out by some peers that a quotes is reading something else to them than what I thought it was reading. So maybe going over some of the quotes and better analyzing them could help out my case. I have a lot of thoughts that I would like to help figure after hearing what my peers had to say. I will have to take sometime and analyze my quotes better, or as I said in the first paragraph do some more research. Doing some more research is not really a bad thing. I also want to work on adding some language that we talk about in class to my paper. What I mean by that is adding some but, and, or statements to direct my argument.
Overall, my peers agreed that my introduction was very clear on introducing the ideas of Gee. Even throughout my body paragraphs I was told that when I talked about Gee I explained what Gees definitions are clearly, as if they were outsiders of the classroom they could of clearly understood Gees ideas. I do think that maybe my organization of quotes and explanation in my introduction are a little wacky, but I am planning on fixing that. I also want to explore the idea of adding another introduction body paragraph and just focus on what my discourse is because I was told my peer reviewers that it kind of lacked my claim being discussed. Which after looking at I can agree. So I do plan on restructuring my introduction a little bit, and while doing that fixing my papers to form a new body paragraph that I think will benefit me.
I think my peer reviewers did answer my question whether or not my ideas where clear enough to the reader. I did think that they also answered my other questions. They even gave me so extra advice which was nice. They did say I was on the right track which is good, because this assignment did confuse me a little bit. Also another thing is that I do think all the advice they gave me is important and I do take the information to heart after I look at the comments. If they take the time to read my paper and give me advice then it clearly means that it is an issue that I can fix. Worse comes to worse is I don’t take their advice, but that is my choice as a writer. In my revision I will have their comments up as I write my second draft to this assignment.
